Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
