Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
