So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
