i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
the raccoons are back...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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