Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
