Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
