where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
