I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
