he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
