When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
