question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
