i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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