I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
handjob tips. give me some.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
