SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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