Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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