What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
