what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
