dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
