i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
