Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
