I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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