Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Can I color on your dick again?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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