New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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