just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
