i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
