new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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