I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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