I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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