I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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