it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
