my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
