I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
