did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
