ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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