where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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