fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
