I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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