I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
