sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
