Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
