You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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