I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
