sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When did angry sex become our thing?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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