So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
