my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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