He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
