I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
