Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
