one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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