how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
