i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
