i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
